Archive for January, 2014

The Vams

Posted: January 21, 2014 in Uncategorized

Some of you may find this little story a tad disturbing, you have been warned. By the way, it was written in a Texan accent, I suggest you read it in the same vein 🙂


The Vams don’t move around much during the day, we don’t know if it’s cause they don’t see too good. They certainly can smell good though, that’s why we keep the bodies in the freezers. We take them out a week before we need them, let them thaw, then we cut them up and cover ourselves in gore.

You see the Vams don’t like old blood, fresh is what they want, and the fresher the better.

All the old movies made us believe that an invasion from space would give us something to fight, something we could see. We didn’t know it would be something so small, only a microscope could find it.

It must be 25 years now, my little Ellie was three. The shooting stars had been falling all week and I came home from work to bring her out to the garden to watch them. When I pulled the truck up in the front yard, there were no lights on. I let myself in, went to the kitchen, turned on the light and there was Ellie.

She was sitting on her momma’s chest, her momma’s throat was ripped apart and Ellie had blood all over her face.

She had a look in her eyes that still wakes me screaming from time to time, I stumbled backwards and fell over the dog, his whole belly torn out. Ellie snapped out of whatever stupor she was in and lunged across the floor at me. She bit into my shoe before I managed to get up off the floor and I do believe I only just managed to get out in time before she would have killed me, just like her momma and the dog.

I guess I must have drove a hundred miles that night, and passed a dozen cars just stopped, right there in the middle of the highway. I drove clear across two counties before I noticed the gas light come on. I pulled off the interstate and found a station, open but abandoned. I went inside and found the old man who owned the place; at least I found what was left of him.

Jimmy told me I was just standing at the counter looking down at the pieces that once were the owner and I was screaming, screaming like a mad man. He watched me from outside, his gun pointed right at my head for 10 whole minutes before he came in, grabbed my shoulders and punched me in the face. I went down cold and when I woke up, he was standing above me, gun pointed and he asked, “You one o’ them devils?”

When Jimmy was sure of me, he told me what he’d seen that night. He was the Sheriff’s deputy in the next town over and well, you can guess what he saw. The Sheriff’s office started getting calls shortly after sundown. Kids gone wild, animals being attacked. It didn’t take long before humans were being attacked and that’s when all hell broke loose.

We packed up as much of the food, water and other stuff we could fit into my truck and his patrol car. We filled up our gas tanks and filled up 3 billy cans each too and we headed towards the city.

A few miles before we hit the city, the highway got choked up all to never-mind. There were bodies ripped open everywhere. We knew then, that whatever was happening was happening in the city and not just the towns. We stopped the cars and walked up the off ramp to an overpass where we could get a good view. The city was burning, the highway full of wrecked and abandoned cars, trucks, buses. The city wasn’t going to be safe.

Four of them came at us. Jimmy had given me the shotgun from the patrol car. Didn’t seem right to be shooting kids but I guess they weren’t kids anymore, not even people anymore. The biggest of them, he must have played line-backer in the school football team, he took 5 rounds before he went down, three of them to the head.

There’s four hundred of us now, living up here in the passes. Four hundred old men and old women. We have the place fixed up pretty good, it’s an old Army base, miles of tunnels and it’s easy to defend. We don’t have much cause to defend it of course; we only get a few straggler Vams up here, driven from the town and cities, looking for fresh blood. The Doc, Doctor Owens reckons they’ll start turning on each other soon enough but I don’t know. They don’t seem to breed. You get to recognise the same ones every time we go on a raid. We kill more of them now then they kill of us but there never seems to be any new ones, never any younger ones. Except that is, the ones that were young when they turned. Like my Ellie. I wonder if she’s still alive, or whatever you would call it for these things.

It occurred to the clever ones among us a couple of years after it all started, that the virus only affected people 18 years old and under. One of the ladies up here had a baby shortly after she came in and when the baby was born it damn near killed her. The baby came out with a mouth full of teeth and had bitten clean through the cord itself before Doc Owens managed get it in one of those clear plastic cribs. It lay there snarling and the poor mother, well she went mad with grief and headed off into the mountains as soon as she could after that, we never saw her again. Some brave soul tried to feed the baby milk, but it wasn’t having any of that and it soon faded away.

Since then, no babies have been born here. We’re not sure about the rest of the planet, but we guess anyone whose left will have figured out, what we figured out.

So there you go, the youngest among us is now 45 year old. If we don’t breed and the Vams don’t breed, I guess when the last of us is gone and the Vams run out of fresh blood, there’ll be no one left on this little ball in space, except maybe the virus. The doc reckons that a virus can live on for ever, maybe so.     


Not bad for an Aul Fella

Posted: January 14, 2014 in Uncategorized

A couple of years ago I had a bit of a health thing. Not so much a scare, more of a kick up the hole, cop the fuck on type of thing.  Anyway, I decided I needed to get my act together and started eating properly and taking excercise.

It’s all worked quite well and apart from the smokes I have to say I even surprised myself at how well I have manged to keep it up.  Normally I walk alot but given the time of year it is, I go to the gym.  Now I’m not into all that Rockey shite with the big mad weights and all but I just do a normal modest bit, start off on the treadmill, move to rowing and then go on to the machine yolks, none of which I know the name of.  Its the leg thing, the pully down bar thing, the lifty up bar thing, the pull your arms forward whatchamaycallit.

Being the OCD kind of person that I am, I do the same circuit, (I call it a circuit and I think that’s the right terminology), every time I go.  I get kind of upthight if I go to the next piece of equipment and it’s being used cause it throws me off kilter but anyway thats what happened last night.  Everytime I went to use something there were two youngfellas ahead of me so I was kind of waiting around.  The lads would move on and I would then jump in.  In the heal of the hunt meself and the two lads finished up roughly around the same time and they were walking out ahead of me.  They didn’t see me behind them so I had the benefit of sneakily listening in to their conversation.

“Jeez, did you see yer man there tonight” says bucko number 1, “yeah” says bucko number 2.  “For an aul fella, he was keeping up with us well”, says number one.

“For and AUL Fella” – for a fucking “Aul Fella”.  When in the name of Christ did this happen?  OK, so there’s more hair on me back now than there is on me head.  I don’t hear too well nowadys, modern music is, I consider, mostly crap.  I have to say that a nice glass of wine in front of the telly is much more my style these days than getting shit faced in a club, but I didn’t think it had got so bad as being an “AUL FELLA”.

What am I to do, suggestions on a postcard please……….